The Girl She Was

There was a time.
There was a time when she was naive, had not known true heartache, had not been tarnished.
She smiled endlessly, laughed often, was playful.
It must have been apparent that this girl felt good. She felt good about her future.
She thought she understood how this world worked.
She believed in fairy tales.
And damn. This girl was cute. She was cute, fit, and she knew it.
It was not uncommon for her to turn heads when she walked in the room.
Not because she was loud. She just had a positive presence.
She had the world in the palm of her hands.
                                     

That girl then saw heartache. 

She was shown that men will use, hurt, and lie. 

She learned that the real world wasn't cut-and-dry as she had always believed. 

She was shown the darkness that she didn't know existed in people.

She learned that just because you want something, doesn't mean you will get it.

Nothing was really as she believed it was.

This girl was lied to. Cheated on. Abandoned.

She had a couple of babies to care for.

She gave up all that was for her.

She lost her happiness.

She lost her confidence.

She lost hope.

She lost her figure.

She lost her faith in humanity.

She learned to hate men.

She learned to trust no one.

When this girl had finally felt like she DID have things figured out, there he was.
Someone who was genuine. Honest. Cared.
He made her feel like the most gorgeous, smart, fun person in the whole entire world and did it effortlessly.
She could be her goofy self and he loved it
Her hope was back.
Her trust was back.
Her confidence wavered but with him by her side, she felt so much stronger.
They married.

Things change. 

Hard times come.

She and he grow.

She and he have scars.

Issues sneak up from the past.

She wants to feel like the most gorgeous, smart, fun person in the whole world to HIM.

He wants the whole world to admire him.

She wants him to be hers completely.

He wants his freedom.

Things change.

She sits here lost. Confused. 

She wonders what is to come. 

How can she get the hope he made her feel?

How can she get the confidence without his help?

How can she know what is true and real when things are so different?

She wants nothing more than to go back in time. 

She wants to go back to the girl she was. 

She wants to go back to the girl she was with the man she loves today.