My God!

I am going to do something that I have been scared to do with all but a very few close friends. I am going to talk about my religious/spiritual confusions. I have been terrified to do this for several reasons. One of those reasons, the BIG reason, is that I am scared of the backlash I may receive from my religious friends. But, also, there are the reasons such as fear of sounding like I am weak in my faith, having to admit that I don't KNOW, and having to share other things I believe that don't quite fit in "the box" when it comes to Christianity. All I ask is that my readers be kind with their responses. I trust that most of you will. But, if you have nothing nice to say to me- Please, just keep it to yourself. Your criticisms will do no good here. I'd love if someone would be able to kindly discuss and clear some stuff up for me.

I am a Christian. Well, mostly. I think I could still be classified as a Christian.

I believe in my Father, God, and his creation of all human beings, animals, plants, along with all of the good and beautiful things in this world - No. I believe in His creation of all the good and beautiful things in this UNIVERSE. My father loves us. He loves us so very much that our human pea-brains cannot comprehend this type of love. Probably the closest we can get is the strong love of our beautiful children, which is strong but still pales in comparison.
I believe that God sent us part of Himself. A son. Jesus Christ. Who lived a perfect life in this fallen world that is heavily influenced by evil. He allowed Jesus to suffer and then allowed him to die to prove the strength of His love for us. God...our creator suffered in this world for us. He gave of Himself to show us how we should strive to live. He suffered to show us His power in healing. He put up with the evils of this world to show us how to love others....especially the ones who are of questionable character. Then He died in such a gruesome way to show that even in suffering, He is committed to us. Wow! I tear up just thinking of how powerful and strong that love is. Then to top it all off, He came back to life to prove that our time on Earth is only a chapter of our life.

Here is where things get fuzzy.....

I can admit that I could be wrong. There are so many other religions in this world that have members who believe in their religions as strongly as Christians believe in Christianity. Dare I say....some believe more strongly than what some Christians believe. So.....if my religion is the right one, that means theirs, which differs sometimes just a little and other times quite a bit- is completely wrong? The Jews, who are God's people, don't think the Son of God has even come yet. Is it possible that they know what they are talking about? Is it possible that my belief in Jesus is wrong and that all my hopes are put into a Saint but not the real savior?
It is possible.
Maybe.
Perhaps.

Oh! Wait! As long as I go by what the Bible says, I should know what is right. Right? Despite the fact that the Bible was written by faulted men, who wrote the words that they claim God gave them- it should all be taken as complete fact. Is there room for misinterpretation? Um.....but, what about people, who in our current time, swear that God talks to them? You know....the ones who are automatically counted off as crazy? What was the huge difference between people of those days and people now?
- I know I am stepping on toes here.-
What if parts of the Bible are wrong? What if a lot of the Bible is wrong? What if.....
The angry God of the Old Testament is still angry now and that is why we have been having all the wars and problems with huge tornados and hurricanes? What if the loving, forgiving God of the New Testament was just as loving in the B.C. years? What if God is NOT going to banish people to Hell just because they never had the chance to hear of Jesus?
"Sorry for your luck, Chuck. You were born into an African tribe who has no access to God's word. I hope you like the heat!"
What if God just wants us to live a good loving life, learn lessons through hardships, trust in him while building a relationship with him, and then come back to our eternal home to live with him? I am not saying this is the case. I am saying, "What if..."


What if some other religions may be on to something with some of their beliefs. For example:

The Hindu religion believes in reincarnation. I don't think that we would come back as a weed or a kangaroo but I think there is the chance that we are given a chance to live a new life to learn lessons that we hadn't learned in a past life or maybe to help a loved one through life.
I don't know how many people have experienced any of the following, but I can tell you what I have seen or heard of. I have seen brand spanking new babies that possess a certain maturity. These infants come out of the womb with a sense of, " I've done this before."
Another example is the time my oldest son, at the age of 4 stated, " I miss that blue car I use to drive. Do you remember my blue car? I liked it." And, of course.....there are those people I have met for the very first time and have somehow KNOWN them. There are people at first meeting that I just don't like and I don't know why. Then there have been the people I have met who I have an instant friendship and love for- and perhaps feel like I have always known them. Is there something to that?

I know there is no room for that stuff in Christianity.

That is the problem.

I know that there is not room for most of the stuff I have written here in Christianity. I guess it is an all or none type of thing. If you are going to be a Christian, you can't pick and chose what from the BIble makes sense to you. We all know that Christians are known to be very judgmental. It is scary to be in the position I am in. I belong to a wonderful Baptist church with an amazing ministry staff. I love and respect the religion. I love and respect so many of the people I go to church with or Christians who have helped guide me. But, I have this debilitating fear that I will be shunned or attacked because I am confused about all of this, because my beliefs pour out into other areas, and because I have difficulty believing that my Father would create people and then not give them a fair shot to make it to eternal life with Him.

All I know is that I FEEL that Christianity has a lot of stuff right. My soul sings and leaps and weeps at the wonders of God and His amazing son, Jesus. I feel that if we did our best to live an honest, giving, loving life like Jesus did, then we are living the right way. But just because I follow Christianity doesn't mean I can judge the other religions - because obviously what they follow is what they feel is right for them. I can share what I feel and hope that what feeds my soul can feed someone else's soul. But, there is that small voice in me that says that if God was REALLY going to judge our worthiness of everlasting life solely on what religion we follow, he would find a way to make it obvious and accessible to ALL of us.